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Transcripts
Three-Headed Broadway Star
"Bubbles" from "The Loch Ness Monster"
(Episode 12.06) - Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles.
R: And C: trouble W: was R: her C: game.
W: Forty R: years C: old W: and R: lovely C: like W: a R: dove,
C: She W: was R: floating C: on W: water R: above.
C: Sea W: monster, R: sea W: monster.
W: I R: can't C: see W: monster,
R: Cause C: I W: am R: blind C: with W: my R: rage
C: And W: my R: passion C: for W: her.
R: Bubbles C: swam W: away R: from C: me.
W: And R: she C: started W: to R: suffocate C: my W: brain.
R: I C: caught W: her R: loosely C: and W: grabbed R: her C: tightly,
W: We R: made C: love W: in R: there.
C: Yahoo! W: Whee! R: Wow!
C: Yahoo! W: Uh-uh! R: Oh!
C: Yahoo! W: Bubbles!
"Flea Dip" from "Bob"
(Episode 12.04) - Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles.
C: He R: always W: cares C: for R: me.
W: Fleas C: don't R: come W: very C: often,
R: But W: when C: he R: does W: it's C: cotton!
R: Bob W: flea C: dip R: Bob,
W: Ple-e-ease C: use R: my W: knobs.
C: When R: you W: touch C: me R: in W: that C: special R: way,
W: Fleas C: jump R: and W: they C: scatter R: away.
W: Fleas! C: Flea! R: Fleas! W: Flea! C: Flea! R: Ha!
W: Flea! C: Flea! R: And W: flea C: away!
"I Love Cheese" from "Gee You Smell Terrific"
(Episode 12.09) - Brad Sherwood, Ryan Stiles & Wayne Brady.
W: It B: was R: delicious.
W: And B: it R: was W: so B: tasty,
R: I W: love B: the R: cheese W: whiz,
B: From R: my W: can,
B: When R: I W: eat B: it R: I W: eat B: it R: fast, W: man.
B: Cheese R: isn't W: just B: a R: food,
W: It's B: also R: a W: religion.
B: Cheese R: isn't W: only B: a R: substance,
W: Which B: you R: adore.
W: Oh, B: people R: love W: my B: cheesy R: way W: of B: life.
R: I W: want B: my All: cheese!
"My Banana, Your Banana" from "The Monkeys Attack"
(Episode 12.29) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.
R: Don't W: you D: think R: that W: it's D: time R: to W: touch D: my R: banana? W: Banana!
D: If R: you W: touch D: my R: banana, W: I'll D: be R: sad.
W: If D: you R: touch W: my D: banana, R: I'll W: be D: bad.
R: I W: want D: your R: love- W: -ly D: bananas,
R: And W: you D: want R: mine W: too.
(all dance)
W: (blows trumpet)
"These Aren't My Hips" from "Stretch Marks"
(Episode 12.18) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.
D: They R: belong W: on D: a R: young W: man.
D: All R: by W: myself,
D: Because R: I W: was D: pregnant (cries)
R: I W: love D: my R: baby.
W: But D: look R: at W: me!
D: Stretch R: marks W: color D: my R: hips,
W: And D: no R: body W: touches D: me!
R: Twice W: nightly D: used R: to W: be
D: The R: number W: of D: times R: I W: made D: love,
R: Now W: I D: am R: barren,
W: And D: my R: husband W: doesn't D: love R: me!
W: These D: aren't R: my W: hips!
D: Oh, R: these W: are D: my R: destiny.
W: Myyyyy D: stretchy (whispers to Ryan) hips, R: hips? All: hips!
"They Threw It Away" from "Trashmen"
(Episode 12.19) - Wayne Brady, Ryan Stiles & Colin Mochrie.
W: Where R: are C: the W: guys R: who,
C: Pick W: up R: all C: the W: trash R: that C: you W: throw R: away?
C: My W: mother R: never C: called W: me R: a C: good W: son,
R: She C: called W: me R: a C: bad W: son.
R: She C: chastised W: me,
R: In C: the W: most R: un-u-su-al,
C: Way!
W: They R: I C: call W: you R: almost C: free.
W: Throw R: my C: refuse W: a R: little C: higher,
W: Throw R: my C: refuse W: farther R: than C: you,
W: Ever R: imagined C: possible.
W: Throw R: my C: heart,
W: Away.
"Timber" from "Lumberjacks in Love"
(Episode 12.01) - Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles.
W: My R: job C: is W: to R: let C: them W: drown.
R: Every C: day W: I R: wander C: why,
W: And R: I C: cut W: down R: those C: lumber!
W: Timber R: I C: shout!
W: Using R: my C: mouth W: to R: scream!
C: You W: laugh R: at C: me,
W: But R: I C: don't W: care R: if C: you W: see!
R: Timber! C: Timber! W: Timber!
R: Crushing C: people W: is R: its C: reward,
W: Would R: you C: like W: to R: bring C: a W: sword?
R: I C: want W: to R: let C: you W: slice R: my
C: ... lumber!
W: Timber R: is C: love!
W: And R: every-C:-one W: loves R: you C: ...Steve.
W: My R: only C: wish,
W: Could R: be C: to W: hold R: you C: close.
"Whenever I See Your Teeth"
(Episode 13.03) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.
R: I W: love D: ooohhhahhhh.
R: I W: can't D: say R: uh W: nough,
D: About R: your W: teeth D: inside R: my W: mouth,
D: Your R: teeth W: inside D: my R: mouth W: is D: good.
R: Love W: bicuspids, D: molars R: and W: canines.
D: Inci- R: your D: -sors, R: there.
W: When D: I R: look W: in D: side R: your W: mouth,
D: I R: jump W: in D: to R: your W: abyss.
D: If R: you W: can't D: see R: my W: self D: inside R: your W: abyss,
D: Then R: you W: must D: kiss,
R: My W: abyss!
"You Are My Butterstick"
(Episode 13.02) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.
D: When R: I W: need D: a R: friend, W: quick.
D: Let R: me W: take D: some R: butter W: off D: you,
R: And W: let D: me R: wipe W: you.
D: Butterstick.
R: You're W: my D: butterstick.
R: Butterstick, W: I'll D: love R: you,
W: When D: I R: and W: myself D: toast...
R: Youuuuuuu. (All: Ooohoooohoooh)
W: When D: I R: love W: you D: butterstick,
R: You W: taste D: so R: good.
W: On D: toast, R: on W: waffles,
D: On R: pancakes W: too.
D: Butterstick, R: you W: are D: half the... half R: the,
W: Man D: I R: am.
W: Butter, oh my...
D: Oh, R: my...
All: Butterstick.
"You Know How To Wiggle" from "Worms"
(Episode 12.12) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.
R: I W: laugh D: and R: I W: giggle.
D: Why R: don't W: you D: wiggle R: for W: me, D: Some R: day. W: Hey, D: hey.
R: Touching. W: Squirming. D: Wiggling!
R: You, W: standing, D: Wiggling!
R: I W: love D: having R: you W: next D: to R: me.
W: Wiggling, D: freeee!
R: Wiggling, W: next D: to R: me. W: Squirming,
D: Oh, R: how W: happy D: we'll R: be.
W: Dirt. D: Muck. R: Top - W: soil.
D: It's R: just W: what D: I R: neee-EEEED! (goes high pitched)
W: Wiggle D: for R: me,
W: You D: wiggle R: for W: me.
All: (whispered) Wiggle!
"You've Got Sole" from "My Favorite Shoe"
(Episode 12.10 and 13.00) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.
R: I W: can't D: hardly R: believe.
W: Hush D: ooe R: Gesundheit!
W: Can D: (cracking up) love R: me!
W: You D: are R: my W: soul D: mate R: baby,
W: Lace D: up R: my W: shoe,
D: And take me on a (oh, sorry, one word at a time)
R: Trip so beautiful,
W: I love you D: so.
R: Can't W: you D: what?!
R: Ha W: ha D: haha,
R: I W: love D: my
R: girl
W: Because D: she's R: so W: beau- W&D: -ti.. D: like,
R: (whispers) Listen W: whispers to D: (squeaks) me!