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Mark's Guide to Whose Line is it Anyway?


Transcripts

Three-Headed Broadway Star

"Bubbles" from The Loch Ness Monster
"Flea Dip" from Bob
"I Love Cheese" from Gee You Smell Terrific
"My Banana, Your Banana" from The Monkeys Attack
"These Aren't My Hips" from Stretch Marks
"They Threw It Away" from Trashmen
"Timber" from Lumberjacks in Love
"Whenever I See Your Teeth"
"You Are My Butterstick"
"You Know How To Wiggle" from Worms
"You've Got Sole" from My Favorite Shoe


"Bubbles" from "The Loch Ness Monster"

(Episode 12.06) - Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles.

W: Bubbles R: was C: her W: name.
R: And C: trouble W: was R: her C: game.
W: Forty R: years C: old W: and R: lovely C: like W: a R: dove,
C: She W: was R: floating C: on W: water R: above.
C: Sea W: monster, R: sea W: monster.
W: I R: can't C: see W: monster,
R: Cause C: I W: am R: blind C: with W: my R: rage
C: And W: my R: passion C: for W: her.
R: Bubbles C: swam W: away R: from C: me.
W: And R: she C: started W: to R: suffocate C: my W: brain.
R: I C: caught W: her R: loosely C: and W: grabbed R: her C: tightly,
W: We R: made C: love W: in R: there.
C: Yahoo! W: Whee! R: Wow!
C: Yahoo! W: Uh-uh! R: Oh!
C: Yahoo! W: Bubbles!


"Flea Dip" from "Bob"

(Episode 12.04) - Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles.

W: My C: love R: is W: Bob.
C: He R: always W: cares C: for R: me.
W: Fleas C: don't R: come W: very C: often,
R: But W: when C: he R: does W: it's C: cotton!
R: Bob W: flea C: dip R: Bob,
W: Ple-e-ease C: use R: my W: knobs.
C: When R: you W: touch C: me R: in W: that C: special R: way,
W: Fleas C: jump R: and W: they C: scatter R: away.
W: Fleas! C: Flea! R: Fleas! W: Flea! C: Flea! R: Ha!
W: Flea! C: Flea! R: And W: flea C: away!


"I Love Cheese" from "Gee You Smell Terrific"

(Episode 12.09) - Brad Sherwood, Ryan Stiles & Wayne Brady.

B: Today R: I W: ate B: some R: cheese,
W: It B: was R: delicious.
W: And B: it R: was W: so B: tasty,
R: I W: love B: the R: cheese W: whiz,
B: From R: my W: can,
B: When R: I W: eat B: it R: I W: eat B: it R: fast, W: man.
B: Cheese R: isn't W: just B: a R: food,
W: It's B: also R: a W: religion.
B: Cheese R: isn't W: only B: a R: substance,
W: Which B: you R: adore.
W: Oh, B: people R: love W: my B: cheesy R: way W: of B: life.
R: I W: want B: my All: cheese!


"My Banana, Your Banana" from "The Monkeys Attack"

(Episode 12.29) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.

W: Hey, D: monkey, R: have W: you D: seen R: my W: banana, D: around?
R: Don't W: you D: think R: that W: it's D: time R: to W: touch D: my R: banana? W: Banana!
D: If R: you W: touch D: my R: banana, W: I'll D: be R: sad.
W: If D: you R: touch W: my D: banana, R: I'll W: be D: bad.
R: I W: want D: your R: love- W: -ly D: bananas,
R: And W: you D: want R: mine W: too.
(all dance)
W: (blows trumpet)


"These Aren't My Hips" from "Stretch Marks"

(Episode 12.18) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.

W: (crying) These D: aren't R: my W: hips.
D: They R: belong W: on D: a R: young W: man.
D: All R: by W: myself,
D: Because R: I W: was D: pregnant (cries)
R: I W: love D: my R: baby.
W: But D: look R: at W: me!
D: Stretch R: marks W: color D: my R: hips,
W: And D: no R: body W: touches D: me!
R: Twice W: nightly D: used R: to W: be
D: The R: number W: of D: times R: I W: made D: love,
R: Now W: I D: am R: barren,
W: And D: my R: husband W: doesn't D: love R: me!
W: These D: aren't R: my W: hips!
D: Oh, R: these W: are D: my R: destiny.
W: Myyyyy D: stretchy (whispers to Ryan) hips, R: hips? All: hips!


"They Threw It Away" from "Trashmen"

(Episode 12.19) - Wayne Brady, Ryan Stiles & Colin Mochrie.

W: Where R: are C: the W: trash R: men, C: huh?
W: Where R: are C: the W: guys R: who,
C: Pick W: up R: all C: the W: trash R: that C: you W: throw R: away?
C: My W: mother R: never C: called W: me R: a C: good W: son,
R: She C: called W: me R: a C: bad W: son.
R: She C: chastised W: me,
R: In C: the W: most R: un-u-su-al,
C: Way!
W: They R: I C: call W: you R: almost C: free.
W: Throw R: my C: refuse W: a R: little C: higher,
W: Throw R: my C: refuse W: farther R: than C: you,
W: Ever R: imagined C: possible.
W: Throw R: my C: heart,
W: Away.


"Timber" from "Lumberjacks in Love"

(Episode 12.01) - Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles.

W: Trees R: fall C: down.
W: My R: job C: is W: to R: let C: them W: drown.
R: Every C: day W: I R: wander C: why,
W: And R: I C: cut W: down R: those C: lumber!
W: Timber R: I C: shout!
W: Using R: my C: mouth W: to R: scream!
C: You W: laugh R: at C: me,
W: But R: I C: don't W: care R: if C: you W: see!
R: Timber! C: Timber! W: Timber!
R: Crushing C: people W: is R: its C: reward,
W: Would R: you C: like W: to R: bring C: a W: sword?
R: I C: want W: to R: let C: you W: slice R: my
C: ... lumber!
W: Timber R: is C: love!
W: And R: every-C:-one W: loves R: you C: ...Steve.
W: My R: only C: wish,
W: Could R: be C: to W: hold R: you C: close.


"Whenever I See Your Teeth"

(Episode 13.03) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.

W: Whenever D: I R: see W: your D: teeth,
R: I W: love D: ooohhhahhhh.
R: I W: can't D: say R: uh W: nough,
D: About R: your W: teeth D: inside R: my W: mouth,
D: Your R: teeth W: inside D: my R: mouth W: is D: good.
R: Love W: bicuspids, D: molars R: and W: canines.
D: Inci- R: your D: -sors, R: there.
W: When D: I R: look W: in D: side R: your W: mouth,
D: I R: jump W: in D: to R: your W: abyss.
D: If R: you W: can't D: see R: my W: self D: inside R: your W: abyss,
D: Then R: you W: must D: kiss,
R: My W: abyss!


"You Are My Butterstick"

(Episode 13.02) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.

W: You D: are R: my W: butterstick.
D: When R: I W: need D: a R: friend, W: quick.
D: Let R: me W: take D: some R: butter W: off D: you,
R: And W: let D: me R: wipe W: you.
D: Butterstick.
R: You're W: my D: butterstick.
R: Butterstick, W: I'll D: love R: you,
W: When D: I R: and W: myself D: toast...
R: Youuuuuuu. (All: Ooohoooohoooh)
W: When D: I R: love W: you D: butterstick,
R: You W: taste D: so R: good.
W: On D: toast, R: on W: waffles,
D: On R: pancakes W: too.
D: Butterstick, R: you W: are D: half the... half R: the,
W: Man D: I R: am.
W: Butter, oh my...
D: Oh, R: my...
All: Butterstick.


"You Know How To Wiggle" from "Worms"

(Episode 12.12) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.

W: You D: know R: how W: to D: wiggle.
R: I W: laugh D: and R: I W: giggle.
D: Why R: don't W: you D: wiggle R: for W: me, D: Some R: day. W: Hey, D: hey.
R: Touching. W: Squirming. D: Wiggling!
R: You, W: standing, D: Wiggling!
R: I W: love D: having R: you W: next D: to R: me.
W: Wiggling, D: freeee!
R: Wiggling, W: next D: to R: me. W: Squirming,
D: Oh, R: how W: happy D: we'll R: be.
W: Dirt. D: Muck. R: Top - W: soil.
D: It's R: just W: what D: I R: neee-EEEED! (goes high pitched)
W: Wiggle D: for R: me,
W: You D: wiggle R: for W: me.
All: (whispered) Wiggle!


"You've Got Sole" from "My Favorite Shoe"

(Episode 12.10 and 13.00) - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey & Ryan Stiles.

W: You D: are R: my W: soul D: mate.
R: I W: can't D: hardly R: believe.
W: Hush D: ooe R: Gesundheit!
W: Can D: (cracking up) love R: me!
W: You D: are R: my W: soul D: mate R: baby,
W: Lace D: up
R:
my W: shoe,
D: And take me on a (oh, sorry, one word at a time)
R: Trip so beautiful,
W: I love you D: so.
R: Can't W: you D: what?!
R: Ha W: ha D: haha,
R: I W: love D: my
R: girl
W: Because D: she's R: so W: beau- W&D: -ti.. D: like,
R: (whispers) Listen W: whispers to D: (squeaks) me!