STEPHEN: Jeff's been behind those bushes for a while...
JIM: You'd almost think he was writing a thesis back there or something.
JEFF: I've lost the votes.
GREG: Well gee, that's great.
JEFF: It wasn't my fault! I was standing over there and this hungry board monster jumped out of the forest and just... ate them.
GREG: So who gets kicked off the island then, clever dick?
JEFF: I could just throw you off.
GREG: Nice comeback.
JEFF: Let's see... Eenie, Meenie ....
COLIN: You can't do it that way!
JEFF: Okay. Worst dinosaur impression loses.
TONY: No way!
JEFF: Fine then. I want you all to pick someone to leave the island. Write it on these pieces of paper and then give it to me.
(the contestants write and hand their paper to Jeff).
JEFF: Okay. I've checked your suggestions. Ryan, I'm afraid we have to go.
RYAN: Wha...? Which of you backstabbers betrayed me?!!!!
JEFF: It was a unanimous decision.
RYAN: Colin, how could you?!
COLIN: I don't want to become extinct. And you're more popular than me.
BRAD: Regretting the decision, Colin?
COLIN: A little. I keep looking around, hoping to find some of his secrets left on the island...
WAYNE: (starts humming sob story music)
COLIN: ... and Greg keeps giving me missions, but without Ryan's help, they really are impossible! And then sometimes ... I go ... to narrate... AND NOBODY NARRATES FOR ME! (breaks down into tears)
BRAD: I'm here for ya, buddy.
JIM: Me too. I know how you feel, I keep suggesting that we all have a farfecue but people just give me strange looks now.
STEVE: Can I have another piece of fish, Josie?
TONY: You've had more than enough!
STEVE: Just one more...
TONY: Leave it.
TONY: I said, LEAVE IT!
STEVE: I haven't TAAAAAAACHED it!
JOSIE: Stop it! You two are doin' me 'ead in!
DREW: Yeah, some of us are trying to sleep.
STEVE: Who's he?
TONY: He's new round the square.
GREG: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to collect
the latest mail from the...
COLIN: Done it!
GREG: Darn. I had a real good joke lined up for the exploding tape.
COLIN: I can put it back if you want...
GREG: No, the moment's passed. I'm not doing it all again to even less laughter this time.
COLIN: Whatever. Here Brad, you're the official reader.
BRAD: I am???? Oh, OK.
"You're working on this island, working in ensemble.
Some of you are people... and some of you... are womble.
They say reality TV makes a star out of a zero,
But tonight you can all come along and be a superhero.
P.S. Sorry about the second line. I can't rhyme with ensemble."
GREG: Superheroes it is then.
JEFF: Hey all.
GREG: You know, if Drew started the show like that, he'd be fired. Aren't you even going to introduce us?
JEFF: Fine. Greg, this is Colin. Colin, this is Greg. Greg, this is...
GREG: You know what I meant.
JEFF: They did it during the credits. Anyway, you have a challenge to perform. Alphabetical order by last name this time; I want you to start a scene as superheroes. Dub each person as they come in as a new hero. The best contentant takes immunity. The scene is "the island is about to be hit by an explosive sea snake" and Wayne, you can start as "Jackson Man". Take it away.
WAYNE: Oooh! I'll moonwalk over to the world crisis monitor. Oh
no! Oh my goodness! An explosive sea snake! All those cute little forest
creatures will be hurt. Oooh! I hope my super friends get here soon.
STEPHEN: I'm sorry I came late, I missed the boat.
WAYNE: Oooh! Thank goodness you're here, Demon Possession Boy.
STEPHEN: Hang on a minute. (acts as if spinning his head around) That's better. It seems you have a problem... gggrrlfffaaarrggggh... I will give you a problem! HAHAHAHAHA! You are mine, I will scare you until your skin turns white... er... wait....
WAYNE: It's a thriller!
JOSIE: Hello there, sorry I'm late, my taxi sank.
STEPHEN: Thank evilness you are here, Horny Chick.
JOSIE: Ooh! Stephen, come here... that's nice. Oh, that's very nice. Michael, join in. Ooh! Kiss me, baby! Oh!
COLIN: I'm sorry I didn't... what the...???!!!
JOSIE: Oh, another one... thank goodeness you're here, Drunken Father of the Bride.
COLIN: HAAAA! I love my... so much and... ha! But then she met... and her family... I hate you. You stupid... I've never met such a bunch of... and I'm gonna kill you all... kill you all!
JOSIE: Shag me first!
GREG: I'm sorry I missed all that.
COLIN: Thank goodness... you're here... Sad British Git Man.
GREG: Oh, how very quaint. Ha ha. I bet you think that is quite funny over in your country of wherever that might be. Well, we shan't stand for it here.
STEPHEN: We stand for anything, hehehe...
GREG: Well fine. But you can take your colonialism and just shove it where you feel like because I don't...
BRAD: Hi. Sorry I'm late, but there was some business with a hovercraft.
GREG: Thank goodness you've arrived to bring a little class to the proceedings, Super Press Interviewer.
BRAD: So, what was happening here before I arrived? Could you describe it, sir? Did you see the actual events happening?
GREG: Oh, do be quiet!
WAYNE: I was here with my little children and...
BRAD: More on that later. (makes 'cut' motion)
TONY: I'm here at last!
BRAD: And over to my left here is the Nature Documetary Kid!
TONY: Yes, and you see here on the island, the unusual species of exploding snake. The snake is perfectly fine normally, but when you agitate it as I am doing now...
STEPHEN: Oh yes, agitate the snake!
JOSIE: Let me agitate it a little...
COLIN: You ... darn people with your snakes and your tractors and... HAAAAAaaa!
TONY: ...then the explosive becomes armed and...
JIM: Hello, I would have arrived sooner but I didn't.
TONY: And over here we see the rather unusual species, in fact the unique, Double Entendre Kid.
JIM: Mind if I give that snake a pull?
GREG: Oh, what a master of wit we are.
COLIN: You, sir, are an absolute... (faints)
GREG: Don't listen to him, he's pissed.
JIM: Has he?
TONY: Perhaps if I stop annoying the snake, it will go away.
WAYNE: It might moonwalk back where it came... eeee! Oooh!
JOSIE: The snake isn't going. It's getting quite... rigid...
GREG: Maybe if I whinge at it a little it will go away. Now look here, snake. I don't find you or your kind particularly appealing. You have no class and no personality of any kind. You...
BRAD: It's going!
JIM: I must be off. I'll come again later.
TONY: And so we see the seasoned nature documentary expert, as he moves off into the distance...
BRAD: And so the snake left these people in peace and failed to provide us with spectacular explosive footage. Back to the studio.
GREG: I'm going home. I don't like it here.
COLIN: I'm taking the wedding cake and I'm going. Get outta my way! (hic)
JOSIE: I'm going with him... he's cute.
STEPHEN: I have other islands to call up evil spirits on.
WAYNE: Ooh! Well that naughty li'l snake has let us be. Time for me to go see the kids... ooh, Billie Jean...
JEFF: BUZZ! Ok, nice game everyone. But I'm awarding the immunity to Greg. I don't know how you got that quirk, but it seems to suit you...!
(the contestants enter, each hitting Jeff with their twiglet poles)
JEFF: Welcome everyone. You all have your twiglets I see.
JIM: You more than see, mate...
JEFF: Yeah. Thanks. Now, one of you is going to be kicked off the island. If it were up to me, I'd get rid of you all quite frankly. But, one will have to do for now. Congratulations on winning immunity, Greg; so now we call on the Whoser council to vote either Brad, Colin, Jim, Josie, Stephen, Tony or Wayne off the island.