JEFF: So now it's time to tally up the votes again.
(he disappears into the bushes. Various props are sent flying over the bushes and across the council area. Something like "Who's this spott person?" is heard. Jeff returns)
JEFF: And now we find out who the 9th person to leave the island, and the next person to sit on the Tribal Council who gets to sit there and watch for the next month because it's still the Whosers doing the voting... is....
JEFF: A vote to Wayne. One to Jim. One to Josie. Another to Jim. One for Tony. Jim again. Stephen. Wayne again. That's 2 for Wayne, 3 for Jim, one each for Tony, Josie and Stephen. And now 2 for Stephen. 4 for Jim. 2 for Tony. Another for Stephen. We're now on 2 for Wayne. 4 for Jim. 4 for Stephen, coming up on the outside. Two for Tony in third and Josie way back in last position. Jim moves forward with two more votes. But here comes Mike! Mike, coming up from the rear! Yes, yes, YES! With 15 votes, yes it's Mike! Mike! MIKE!
GREG: He shoulda been a racing commentator.
MIKE: (walks out of the bushes, waved goodbye, continues across the clearing, and disappears into the other bushes).
JEFF: Oh yeah. Mike was already kicked off.
SCOTT: (voice from the bushes) Oops.
JEFF: So it's Jim then. See ya, Jim.
STEVE: (from the bushes) Crawl in through here... we've got a base set up across the island...
WAYNE: ... so I figure, they're not bound by resources, they've
probably got a pretty good place going.
BRAD: What are we waiting for then? Let's check it out!
WAYNE: Hey, everyone! Into the bark jet...
STEVE: The plane, boss, the plane!
(The bark jet lands in front of a wooden mansion)
JIM: (steps forward) Welcome to Fantasy Island!
GREG: Nice place you got here.
COLIN: That was quite a long trip... who woulda thought that wooden planes would be so slow...
BRAD: Mind you, the hostesses were nice. And we had plenty to drink.
TONY: Speaking of which...
JIM: Up the stairs, first on your left along the corridor.
TONY: Thanks. (rushes off quickly)
KAREN: (from the lookout nest) Host ahoy!
DENNY: Guys, you're not supposed to be here...
GREG: Quick, everyone into the bushes!
JEFF: Who was that I just saw?
JEFF: Guys, you're supposed to be off the island. Now I've let you stay here but you are NOT allowed to interfere with the game, okay!
JOHN: Of course.
JEFF: Fine. Now I just have to go and deliver the next challenge to their World Crisis Monitor.
RYAN: That was close. You can come out of the bushes now, guys...
CHIP: Before you go back to camp, how 'bout joining us for a mini feast?
PAUL: We've got Archie on a spit!
(the plane arrives back at the camp)
STEPHEN: It's getting dark. I'd better go try to catch some dinner.
JOSIE: Wait, we should check the mail first.
BRAD: Another message. It's in code.
WAYNE: You're holding it upside down.
BRAD: Oh yeah.
"You guys think you're kinda cool, you think you're kinda slick,
But tomorrow you'll look stupid when you fail to think quick.
Thinking up these stupid rhymes is really... oh sod it, I hate this crap.
You're playing Quick Change, okay."
GREG: See what happens when you try to get on without using members from the Writer's Guild?
JEFF: Welcome everyone. I see you've flown in today.
WAYNE: While you've got it, use it!
JEFF: Okay, the game is quick change. I'll give you a scene in a minute, but if I shout 'change' then whoever last spoke must come up with a new line. Best player wins immunity. And the scene is - at a funeral.
BRAD: Welcome today, friends and relatives. We are here to remember David Smythebottom.
JOSIE: (sobs hysterically)
BRAD: Fortunately, David died peacefully in his sleep.
BRAD: David died of an overdose of chicken nuggets.
BRAD: David didn't die, we're burying him alive. Now would anyone like to say a few words?
TONY: I knew David from my work at the meat factory...
TONY: I didn't know David, I'm getting paid to be here.
TONY: I was in love with David and I wanted to have his babies.
JOSIE: As David's former wife, I'd like to say a few words.
BRAD: Go ahead.
BRAD: Sure, feel free.
BRAD: Exactly how many words?
BRAD: No, shut up you silly bitch.
WAYNE: Do I sing the hymn now?
BRAD: Yes, that would be nice.
WAYNE: David was a nice old man,
And a fine trampolinist.
And when he went down to the pub,
He was rarely missed.
WAYNE: He was on the free beer list.
WAYNE: He like to raise the wrist.
WAYNE: He liked a game of whist.
WAYNE: He was very often kissed.
WAYNE: Oh, fine then. He drank too much and got...
BRAD: Thankyou for that fine song. Lars Fneullberger, you were David's cousin, would you like to say something.
GREG: Okay then. David was great, we used to play together at the park."
GREG: We used to play together for Varsity.
GREG: We would often smell each others' socks of a lonely evening.
GREG: On Friday nights we'd dress up in drag and wander down main street.
STEPHEN: That was YOU?!
GREG: Gordon Shumpfiddle?
STEPHEN: Delilah Warrenbacker?
STEPHEN: Farnicia Tellulaberry?
STEPHEN: Rigelfive Whoserwhatsit?
GREG: Yes dear.
JOSIE: You're his mother?
STEPHEN: Wait a minute... Dad!
JOSIE: Yes. You found me out at last...
BRAD: Okay, thankyou. And now to do a reading from the Bible, here's David's second-uncle twice removed's monkeys pet goldfishes babysitter, Pneumatic Monkeywrencher.
COLIN: Thankyou, Reverend Goldennugget. I would like to read from Matthew, 17 verses 24 to 35.
COLIN: I'll read from Halibut, chapter 18.
COLIN: I will read from Paul's letters to the Corinthians, chapter 94, verse 22.
COLIN: I will read from the Corinthian's reply back to Paul, chapter 12.
Thanks for the update. Great to hear from you. We're doing pretty well here,
though Marjorie was feeling a bit under the weather last week. Will catch up
with you at the Aqueduct on Tuesday.
Love and kisses,
BRAD: Thankyou. That was very deep.
BRAD: Marvellous. I was moved to tears.
BRAD: Who wrote that crap? Anyway, I'd like us all to end by singing David's favourite song.
ALL: David ... was a man... who
ALL: ... was a woman who lived in a house. Amen.
JEFF: Thankyou very much everyone. That was great.
JEFF: That was mediocre. However, I am going to award immunity to... Stephen.
JEFF: Okay then, I award... hey! Wait a minute! Sorry, that won't work. Stephen, well done. The rest of you, you're for it. See you tonight.
(the contestants enter. After Brad hits the gong, Wayne calls out 'change' and he goes back to do it again)
JEFF: Welcome tribe members. I see you flew again.
TONY: And boy are my arms tired.
JEFF: One more joke as old as that and I'll throw you off the island myself. Now, Stephen, congratulations on your Immunity win again. You and your crack are safe for tonight. However, I now call on the Whoser council to choose one of you other six to leave the island tonight. Whoser Council, choose from Wayne, Tony, Josie, Greg, Colin or Brad.