JEFF: Time to total up the scores.
(he disappears into the bushes. There is an incredibly long delay, a shout of 'doh!' and then he returns)
JEFF: Okay, in the Olympic spirit, the scores from the nations of
Australia, Canada, Equatorial Guinea Great Britain, the Russian
Federation, the United States.
GREG: Getting all technical on us now...
JEFF: Josie. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. And Zero. A score of zero for Josie.
STEPHEN: Well done.
JEFF: Colin. No votes. No votes. One vote. Two votes. Two votes. And one vote. We elimate the top and bottom scores, that gives you a score of one vote.
COLIN: I'm in the running...
JEFF: Wayne - Zero, One, Three, Zero, Two, One. A score of one.
WAYNE: We're going for equal gold, Colin!
JEFF: Ryan - Two. Six. Eight. Four. Four. And Six. A total score of five.
RYAN: Man, Equatorial Guinea is really on my case...
JEFF: Greg - disqualified for running.
GREG: Guess that means I can't win.
JEFF: Steve - One vote. Nine votes. Eight votes. Six. Five. And another five. Average of six votes.
STEVE: That's gotta be a record of some sort...
JEFF: Jim. No votes. No votes. One vote. No votes. Three votes. And Three votes. Total score of one.
JIM: I'm safe...
JEFF: Tony and Brad... there's a guy called Eric I want you two to go and see. Needs a little training. I'll clear all your votes if you help.
BRAD: Sounds good to me.
JEFF: And so the Bronze goes to Wayne and Stephen with three votes. Ryan, you take Silver with five. And Steve, with your world record score of 6 votes, you take the gold.
JEFF: Here's your medal. And a ticket off the island.
STEVE: Oh... fugger.
JEFF: (Fatso the big-arsed wombat wanders across the back of the council area)
RYAN: This island... it isn't Tasmania is it?
JIM: Well I'm disappointed to lose Steve. But at least we finally settled on a name for the tribe.
TONY: I wanted to go with 'Patterson'.
JIM: You just want to get back on the show.
COLIN: You know, we really haven't had a chance to talk since the tribes combined.
RYAN: I know. Hang on, I think I've got something...
COLIN: Reel it in.
RYAN: ... nope, just a pair of goggles.
RYAN: Sorry! (throws them back)
COLIN: Anyway, I just thought we might have a little fun. You know, narrate for each other or something like we used to?
RYAN: Or maybe head out on an impossible mission. Hey, I've got a tape recorder in the bag here...
COLIN: Don't open that!
RYAN: But I only want to get the tape...
COLIN: Leave it alone!
RYAN: But I'm just... what's this...? A gigantic Canadian flag?
COLIN: I didn't want you to see that...
RYAN: But why? I know you're proud, but...
COLIN: I was just going to try to get it in the overhead shots of the island. Advertising!
JOSIE: Mail call!
WAYNE: Whoah! This one looks big...
GREG: Must have sent it FedEx.
BRAD: Let me see...
"Ready for another challenge? Well, we're gonna see.
Just how quick and inventive you improvisers can be.
This giant foam banana was delivered by air drop,
Now just how many things can you do with this oversized prop?"
JEFF: A fairly simple task this. We'll go in reverse alphabetical order this time, and if you can't come up with a use, then you're out. Now take that oversized foam banana and see what you can do.
WAYNE: (holding it up) "Bubbles... Bubbles...?"
TONY: (between legs) "Monica... Monica... ?"
STEPHEN: (on head) "Bring bring... bring bring."
RYAN: (spinning on head) "We've got a major pile-up on the M25..."
JOSIE: (sits on it) "Higher! Higher!"
JIM: (pulls it out of ground) "The great King of the monkeys is found!"
GREG: (on head) "Get your Clive Anderson toupee now!"
COLIN: (sits on it) "Don't fire the torpedo!!!!"
BRAD: (on nose, Italian accent) "I did notta tella a lie!"
WAYNE: (in ear) "Like my designer cotton bud?"
TONY: (cracks up)
STEPHEN: (on back) "The snail is the most misunderstood of creatures..."
RYAN: (under arm... then on head... then...)
JOSIE: (holding it up) "If you come down, Mr Kong, I'll give you a big banana..."
JIM & GREG: (seesaw on either end) "Wheee! Wheee!"
COLIN: (between legs) "Hello Miss Bucksley!" (lifts it up, runs off embarrassed)
WAYNE: (swings it) "Steeeeeeerike!"
STEPHEN: (sticking out of chest) "I've been shot by the First Fruit Battalion!"
JOSIE: (on her head) "Hi, I'm new Oversised Hair Barbie!"
JIM: (on floor) "These ergonomic chairs don't seem to work!"
COLIN: (around chest) "If the rollercoaster needs this much safety..."
WAYNE: Oh, it's me?! Um...
STEPHEN: (biting it) "When I said I wanted 10 pounds worth of bananas, this isn't what I meant..."
JIM: (lifts it up) "And a new world record in the banana clean and jerk!"
COLIN: (on forehead) "Stephen, you've dropped your eyebrow..."
STEPHEN: Oh, ha ha...
STEPHEN: But I...
JIM: (on foot) "Well, it's a nice elvin feel, but I should try on the left one as well."
COLIN: (around neck) "Your honour, I am suffering terribly from whiplash."
JEFF: BUZZ! Congratulations Colin, you have immunity for this week. Take this twiglet necklace and wear it with pride. And I'll see you all at council tonight.
(the tribe members enter. Colin is dancing a jig. The others are more subdued)
JEFF: Welcome tribe members. Your fate tonight will be decided in the traditional manner.
RYAN: Greco-Roman Wrestling!
(BRAD and TONY start wrestling in the background)
JEFF: No, not that.
JOSIE: Synchronised Diving?
WAYNE: Beach Volleyball?
COLIN: Floor gymnastics? Three sav bangs, two flatbags or a "hello boys" with DB and pike?
GREG: Championship fooz-ball?
JIM: Mud Wrestling?
JEFF: No, no, no, no, and, sadly, no. We're going to go to the council and call on them to vote... will this week's departure be coming from Brad, Greg, Jim, Josie, Ryan, Stephen, Tony or Wayne?