JEFF: And so here we are. Tribal council. Day Eleven. Anyone else have a sense of deja vu about all this?
MIKE: I do.
JEFF: Didn't I tell you to leave last time?
MIKE: Not that I recall...
JEFF: Well go. You've been voted off. Anyway... time to tally up the votes.
(he disappears into the bushes. A cork sound is heard followed by glugging and a big gulp. He returns, swaying a little)
JEFF: I've... tallied up the voteshh... and theresh one for Wayne and one for Ryan.
RYAN: What about the rest?
GREG: The man can't hold his liquor!
JEFF: Oh... those. Well, theresh 6 each for Ship (hic) erm... Chip, and Denny. And another.
WAYNE: Who for?!
JEFF: Erm.. Ice someone. No, that (hic) wasn't it. There's jusht this one. For ... erm.. Chip.
CHIP: Darn. See you guys later.
GREG: Later, Bud.
MIKE: Over here, into the bushes with us.
JEFF: Bye! (hic)
BRAD: Shouldn't we put out his twiglet?
JEFF: Yessh... (he picks up the flaming twiglet, burps and sends a flame shooting out which relights the other twiglets. He places this twiglet with them)
DENNY: You might wanna put them all out. Too many flaming twiglets together and they can reach critical mass...
DENNY: Well, I survived. Just. But I'm gonna have to do something impressive it seems, to survive.
RYAN: I can't believe I got a vote! That's insane!
WAYNE: I feel your pain.
STEVE: Man, I'm almost getting votes even when I'm not at the council!
JIM: Sounds like you're pretty screwed then.
JOSIE: At least you're not a woman. Our numbers are dwindling fast!
BRAD: Is that thunder I hear?
COLIN: Maybe we've angered the island gods!
GREG: Oh, come off it. I mean, this 'island god' crap? It's so stupid... 'fire is your life'. Yeah, right. Next thing they'll try and convince us that there's all these ridiculous customs. Stepping through hoops of vines and so on. And we'll all end up running through the jungle, trying to answer stupid questions about stupid rituals, and there'll be one stupid old guy who just keeps saying...
STEPHEN: I don't know.
JIM: But it just doesn't compare!
STEVE: I mean sure, we can complain that he doesn't even own the creek, and you can bitch about nepotism. But frankly, those guys are just way too old for school.
JIM: And who names a show after a postcode anyway... hang on, it's starting to rain.
STEPHEN: Shelter under my eyebrows.
WAYNE: Because you see me when I go, ha ha,
I deliver through the sleet and snow,
I get this package there without fail,
Thank God they came up with this word, it's called mail.
It's for me!
BRAD: Are you trying to tell us something?
DENNY: I think the World Crisis Monitor has delivered.
TONY: They've just delivered my playboy subscription.
JOSIE: Anything else?
TONY: Well, just this immunity challenge hint.
"Two tribes about to merge into one,
Time for you all to enjoy some fun,
Last chance to save yourselves from the whosers,
Put some thinking caps on and you won't be the losers."
JOSIE: So what's the challenge?
TONY: I wouldn't have the faintest. Meet me at my hut in 10 minutes.
JOSIE: You're on.
JEFF: Oh, my head... anyway, ready for the challenge?
BRAD: Can you tell us what it is?
JEFF: Scenes from a Hat. Whoever gets the best answer to each scene gets a point. First to five wins.
GREG: Well... that clue was pretty obscure.
JEFF: Well, I'm sorry, Mr P.
GREG: That's okay, Mr... P Too.
JEFF: Anyone can jump in. Your first scene is - planning the latest game show.
TONY: Okay, so they spin a wheel to win a place on an island where they must answer 15 questions
to figure out who is The Mole, and if they can do all that then they get to pick a letter in the form of a question.
JIM: Let's do it!
BRAD: Is there any way we can include nudity somehow?
RYAN: Sounds great, as long as Regis isn't involved.
JEFF: A point to Clive. I don't even want to think about Carey's answer. Next scene: "When Popes Attack".
STEPHEN: Mind if I kiss your ring?
GREG: C'mon, man, give us a ride!
COLIN: (turns and runs him over). I told you, do not obstruct the vehicle!
JEFF: Another to Clive. Quick and naughty!... "At a Thelma and Louise convention"
STEVE: Hi Thelma.
JIM: Hi Louise... you're rather hairy, aren't you?
STEVE: I haven't shaved.
RYAN: Let's do it.
JEFF: I'll give that one to Carey. It's now 2-1, Clive lead. "Strange in-patient problems".
STEVE: Excuse me, I've accidentally sneezed out my brain.
BRAD: What happened to you?
GREG: I was having sex over the internet when my computer crashed...
JEFF: Ewwwww. Carey, too painful! Clive, you get that one. 3-1. "The Scooby-Doo Reunion".
JOSIE: Where's Shaggy?
JIM: Didn't you hear? ODed on Scooby Snacks.
GREG: I've always loved you.
DENNY: I ruv you too, Verma!
(they move off)
BRAD: ... is that legal?
WAYNE: No, but hey, so long as nobody peers in the back of the Mystery Machine...
JEFF: Disgusting as ever, Carey, but you're getting that one. 3-2. "What you don't want to hear your Doctor say".
GREG: I've given you the anaesthetic, so just lay back, relax, and I'll be into you before you know it...
STEPHEN: The good news is, I've saved your life. The bad news is, I've lost a pair of scissors...
JEFF: An old joke, Stephen, so I'll give that to Greg. 3 all. "Inside the office of a tabloid".
JIM: Sure there's a nuclear war happening, but hey - implants!
BRAD: No, see you're not quite page 3. How about page 7?
DENNY: How about I show someone these photos?
BRAD: Page 3 is okay then?
JEFF: 3-4. "Having fun on the job." And that's job as in ... employment.
RYAN: Hey, man... come look at this.
RYAN: (drops a brick, watches it fall) Go, go, go... YES!
COLIN: Got him!
JIM & STEVE: Hilary!
JEFF: Well, not much fun happening there then. But you get that. It's now 4-4, whoever gets this one wins. And it's... "The worst decision of your life."
GREG: So I just go out on the island and stay there for a month?...
STEVE: I Bill take thee Hilary to be my awfully... lawfully... wedded wife...
JEFF: Well done everyone, but I'm giving it to ... Clive! Congratulations guys, looks like we WILL have even numbers going into the merger. Carey, see you all tonight.
JEFF: So, five of you are going into the merger tomorrow. Feeling pretty confident?
RYAN: I have a pretty good strategy. I figure I'll survive if I can get less votes than another person.
JEFF: Sounds like a plan. Denny, you nearly went last time, feeling a little worried?
DENNY: Yeah, kinda. But I did fairly well at the challenge, so...
JEFF: But you are in a tough crowd.
DENNY: Yeah, well these guys are all pretty popular so I guess there's no shame in leaving now. But I'd rather not.
JEFF: You can see here the twiglets of Paul, Mike, Karen, John and Chip, already put out. Which one of yours will be joining them tonight? Is it Brad, Colin, Denny, Greg, Ryan or Wayne?