WL SURVIV0R: Episode Five

Sixteen Whose Line performers have been marooned on a remote island.
To survive, they must outwit, outplay and outperform each other in various improvisational immunity challenges.
Every two days they attend a meeting of the Whoser council, where one contestant will be voted off the island.
But in the end, there can be only one - WHOSE LINE SURVIVOR.

We don't know for sure what actually happened on the island between the Tribal Councils of Day 9 and 11. The original tapes were eaten during transit by a hungry board monster (which may or may not have been part of an international conspiracy and/or alien plot). Surviving (ha!) Tapes from the end of the Day 11 Council suggest that something quite strange was indeed happening on the island, which may or may not be situated in the Bermuda Triangle. Fortunately, the ingenuity of some of those on the island has allowed the events of those two days to be played out again, though not necessarily identical to what originally occurred.



JEFF: Well I guess we should tally up the votes...



RICHARD: So apparently something happened and it all just went missing.
MIKE: And you set up a time machine to take them back and do it all again?
PAUL: I'll just get on my moped...
RICHARD: No, seriously. I figured that nuclear physics knowledge would help. I've built a nuclear-powered time machine out of the island materials to send the island back in time two days and repeat what happened.
KAREN: And will it all be exactly the same?
RICHARD: Nope. Time doesn't work like that. At least, not unless you remember to back up everything that happened the first time. The events will be the same, but the execution may differ slightly.
MIKE: Start 'er up...



JEFF: I'll just head across the bridge.

(He does so. A 'zip' sound is heard, followed by a trickling, and then another 'zip' noise. He returns)

JEFF: Remember, whoever loses is just crap. And the first vote goes to Steve.
JIM: Sorry, buddy.
JEFF: And the second to Jim.
STEVE: Sorry, buddy.
JEFF: And a vote for Josie.
MIKE: Sorry, buddy.
JEFF: Another for Steve.
JIM: Sorry buddy.
JEFF: One for John.
NOBODY: Sorry buddy.
JEFF: A third for Steve. That's three for Steve, one John, one Josie, one Jim.
JIM: Sorry, buddy.
JEFF: A fourth for Steve.
JIM: S...
STEVE: SHUT UP!
JEFF: And one for John. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another.
JIM: Someone's been ordering the votes for dramatic effect...
JEFF: Time to go, John.

JOHN: (heads off down the path. A 'zip' sound is heard followed by a trickle)
JEFF: That's not what I meant...!



JOSIE: Well, now that there's so few of us left, we're starting to get really close.
TONY: That's true.
JOSIE: Not that close, Tony...



BRAD: I'm getting really hungry.
RYAN: Me too. Know what I feel like eating now?
BRAD: Rice?
RYAN: Don't even think about it.
BRAD: What then?
RYAN: Chicken.
COLIN: Noooooooo!



STEVE: So you haven't told any of the rest of the tribe yet?
JIM: Nah, I felt more comfortable coming to you first.
STEVE: Well, you know I'm always here for you, buddy.
JIM: I just wasn't sure who I could tell about it. I mean, who would accept me once they knew?
STEVE: Don't worry. There's others here for you.
JIM: Like who... you?
STEVE: Yeah.
JIM: Whoah.
STEVE: I've known since I was fifteen.
JIM: Well, I guess we'll have to tell the rest of the tribe.
STEVE: I don't know how Stephen will react.
JIM: Yeah, he's a little set in his ways. But they have to know. I have to tell them that I... am a Melrose fan.
STEVE: Stephen's wrong, man. Dawson just doesn't compare.



GREG: Where's Colin?
WAYNE: (starts singing "Hand Me Some Leaves")
GREG: I see. Wait, what's that noise?
WAYNE: (changes tunes)
GREG: No, quiet!
CHIP: That tree is ringing! (picks up a branch)
RICHARD BRANCH:
"I have another challenge, for you to play today.
This is one for everyone, yes, all of you will play.
And if you want to get ahead, and get immunity,
You'd better take some time out, and learn your A, B, C!"



JOSIE: Bugger.



JEFF: Welcome, tribes. I hope you've been learning your Alphabet, because that's what we're playing. Clive, pick two people to give a 'second chance' to balance the numbers.
TONY: Josie?
CLIVE TRIBE: NOOOOO!
JIM: How about the Steves?
STEVE: Ok.
STEPHEN: Fine by me.
JEFF: Okay. Now, we're going to go around the teams in order. Screw up or take too long, and you're out. And the scene is: at a football match. Start on P. Take it away.

BRAD: Pick it up!
JIM: Quickly now!
CHIP: Right on the ball, guys!
JOSIE: So, anyone want a hot dog?
COLIN: That'd be nice.
STEPHEN: Under duress, I'll have one.
DENNY: Very nice, I'll bet.
STEVE: What? At a football match? You're joking!
GREG: Xylophones would taste better.
TONY: You're right.
RYAN: Zounds! He's going for goal.
JIM: A good shot...
WAYNE: But he's missed.
JOSIE: Come on...!
BRAD: Don't do that, guys!
STEPHEN: Easy shot, that should have been.
CHIP: Framed it nicely too.
STEVE: Goal!
COLIN: He missed!
TONY: I could have got that...
DENNY: Just calm down, guys.
JIM: Kick it! Kick it!
GREG: Look out!
JOSIE: Not him!

(BUZZ)

RYAN: My goodness!
STEPHEN: No!
WAYNE: Out of bounds, surely!
STEVE: Put some effort in, guys...
BRAD: Quickly now, get back in there!
TONY: Really quickly, yes!
CHIP: Scoreboard! Scoreboard!
JIM: That's kinda cruel.
COLIN: Unggh....

(BUZZ)

STEPHEN: Ursula, get over here.
DENNY: Victory!
STEVE: Where?
GREG: Xander is the best character on Buffy.
TONY: You're worried about Buffy at a time like this?
RYAN: Zounds! I always get this letter.
JIM: Anyone for tennis?
WAYNE: Big game today, no time for tennis.
STEPHEN: Call... Can...

(BUZZ)
JEFF: First life, Stephen.

BRAD: Call me!
STEVE: Don't come on to me, mate!
CHIP: Everyone wants to, though!
TONY: For goodness' sake, be quiet and watch the game!
DENNY: Good one, Tony.
JIM: Hey!
GREG: I'm leaving.
STEPHEN: Just stay a minute, will you?
RYAN: K... K...

(BUZZ)

STEVE: Kick him!
WAYNE: Look, that's not nice.
TONY: Make up some ground!
BRAD: Naughty players.
JIM: Ooh, bad boys.
CHIP: Quiet!

(BUZZ)

STEPHEN: Pace yourselves!
DENNY: Quannnnngeaahhhh...

(BUZZ)

STEVE: Quick! Grab my nipples!
GREG: ...Ok!...

(BUZZ)
GREG: Sorry, he threw me!

TONY: Right, that's it.
WAYNE: Sure it is.
JIM: That's what?
BRAD: Underachiever.
STEPHEN: What?

(BUZZ)
JEFF: Wrong... erm... where were we? Um... go from U, Wayne.

WAYNE: Unlikely that they'll win now.
STEVE: Very unlikely, yes.
BRAD: Why?
TONY: Xactly what I thought...

(BUZZ)
JEFF: Sorry, Tony. Can't give you that.

WAYNE: X-rays might reveal that these players are injured.
JIM: You're sure about that?
BRAD: Zoo... might be a good place for x-rays.
STEVE: Alright, that's just stupid.
WAYNE: Big guy, huh?
JIM: Can't we all just get along?
BRAD: Don't try that with me.
STEVE: Everyone's watching us now.
WAYNE: Great...

(BUZZ)

JIM: For goodness sake...
BRAD: Goodness? What's goodness got to do with it?
STEVE: He's just being silly.
BRAD: I'm being silly?
JIM: ... yes.

(BUZZ)

BRAD: Just silly?
STEVE: Kind of.
BRAD: Look out!
STEVE: My god!
BRAD: Naughty bits!
STEVE: OOooohoooh!
BRAD: Quiet!

(BUZZ)

JEFF: Well done Steve. You've won it for the team, and with a life left as well! Carey, see you tonight.



(Carey enters)

JEFF: Hi.
COLIN: Hi.
RYAN: Hi. And have we got a great deal for you!
COLIN: How much would you pay for a sixty CD set?
JEFF: I'd pay upwards of four... HEY! This is my tribal council, and you're not selling stuff, okay!
COLIN: Sorry.
JEFF: Well, there are only a few more days until the merger now. But a couple of people won't be making that, and at least one of them is one of you guys. Maybe two of them are two of you guys, or one of them is one of you guys and another is another of you guys or another of the other guys.
BRAD: Sounds good... I think...
JEFF:Is there anyone who you feel should be voted off?
BRAD: Well, Denny's kind of annoying me.
COLIN: Brad is always disappearing up into the branches of the trees...
RYAN: Colin keeps doing his stupid dinosaur impression.
CHIP: I'm sick of Ryan complaining about the rice.
GREG: Chip keeps asking me to sing him my problems.
WAYNE: Greg's snide remarks are starting to grate.
DENNY: Wayne just won't stop singing.

JEFF: Okay, OKAY! Enough. Now we go over to the Whoser Council for their votes. Who leaves this time - is it Brad, Chip, Colin, Denny, Greg, Ryan or Wayne?


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