JEFF: Remember, whoever has the most votes will be horribly ridiculed. I mean... thrown off the island. Time to count them up.
(he disappears into the forest. A 'zip' noise is heard as the number of votes passes 20. He returns carrying the box)
JEFF: Okay. Let's see who wins. We have one vote for Brad. One for Denny, and one for Karen.
DENNY: (high-fives Karen before they realise that they don't want to win)
JEFF: Two votes for Brad. Three. And two votes to Karen. One to Ryan.
RYAN: (shocked expression)
COLIN: Stop showing off!
JEFF: And another for Karen. That's three each to Brad and Karen, one for Ryan and Denny. And this is one for Colin.
COLIN: (looks scared)
RYAN: Don't be a chicken, Colin.
COLIN: But I do it so well...
JEFF: Another for Karen. And another. And another for Brad. That's Brad 4, Karen 5. Another to Karen. And... what's this? Jeff is a dork! Right, I'm going. See you all in two days.
(muttering starts up as Jeff disappears down the path.)
CHIP: Now what?
DENNY: No idea...
(RICHARD jumps out of the forest)
RICHARD: Right! Finally I get a chance to talk to you lot. And I give a million votes to Wayne.
WAYNE: You can't do that!
RICHARD: You know, I coulda been the host...
GREG: Stick to what you do best, bud.
RICHARD: Okay. Where was he? Brad 4, Karen 6, Colin, Ryan and Denny 1. I'm bored... (looks through the box)... Brad 7, Karen 10. Sorry, Karen.
KAREN: You want a piece of me? I'll take you!
RYAN: Too late for Daytime Talk Show histrionics now, Karen.
KAREN: (starts complaining and throwing twiglets around)
GREG: You're my teenage daughter throwing a tantrum!
RICHARD: (buzz) Correct. Now, Karen, bring your twiglet over here. It represents your life blah blah blah I'll extinguish it in a tango style. (puts the twiglet between his teeth, dances up and down with Karen and then dips it into a water bowl). Come on, Karen. Let's go.
(the two of them head off down the path)
GREG: Ask him if you can borrow some of that red underwear...
DENNY: Well, I'm bummed. The male/female ratio in this tribe is kinda low at the moment.
BRAD: (in LMAD voice) I can change that...
DENNY: Please... don't.
JIM: Well, at least we won one.
STEVE: Maybe time to start thinking about knocking off the other tribe one at a time.
JIM: Careful, you'll get knocked off yourself...
COLIN: I've just been over to the green screen and found some insects to eat.
RYAN: Please... no!
COLIN: Mmmm. Maggots!
JOHN: Pray, for there hast come unto us a message. And the message is good.
STEPHEN: John, Authors stopped being entertaining 10 years ago. Just give us the message.
"Now you've had some time off, a while to relax,
Some time to think ahead, and gather all the facts.
You've had a day or two, to try and get some rest in,
But can you be the one to ask the ultimate in question?"
WAYNE: Do we have to do impressions as well?
RYAN: No idea.
BRAD: Better not diss the challenges this time... COLIN!
COLIN: Ah... screw you.
RYAN: Hey, watch the language! Might have to call in the censors.
BRAD: Get your h(bleep) off that censorship button, buddy!
DENNY: Guys! GUYS! We're a team, remember. Play together, win together.
COLIN: Sorry. Guess I just got caught up in the moment.
RYAN: It was probably something in the coffee...
DENNY: You guys had COFFEE?!!! That's it... (leaps at them)
JEFF: Hey guys. Perhaps tonight we can have a calm, sensible tribal council. But first, one of you lots has to save your own behinds. We play until all but one person has been eliminated - Carey, your success so far gives you a slight advantage. You can choose the order, your scene is "At the original Survivor reunion." Away you go.
JOSIE: How are you?
COLIN: Who comes up with these topics anyway?
JOSIE: You really think you should be asking that?
COLIN: Who are you anyway?
JOSIE: Don't you recognise Jenna?
COLIN: Is that you?
JOSIE: Who else would it be?
COLIN: Aren't you Dirk?
JOSIE: ... No.
STEVE: Were you Tagi or Pagong?
COLIN: How many were there in Pagong?
STEVE: Were there more than six?
COLIN: Six whats?
STEVE: Six people... damn.
COLIN: What are you doing?
JIM: Haven't you got an advertising contract yet?
COLIN: Have you?
JIM: Do you think I enjoy wearing lycra shorts?
COLIN: Is that what they are?
JIM: What did you think they were?
JEFF: Sorry, not an acceptable question, Colin.
CHIP: Did you invent the Nature Phone?
JIM: Did you receive a call?
CHIP: Does it come with an answering machine?
JIM: What do you think?
CHIP: Would 'no' be a wrong answer?
JIM: Is that your final answer?
CHIP: Can I phone a friend?
JIM: Mind if I blindfold you with my bandana?
CHIP: Don't I know you?
JIM: How long has it been?
CHIP: Must be 3 years... is it..?
JEFF: Bad luck Chip - nice try, but you started with a statement...
WAYNE: What's that noise?!
JIM: You mean this one?
WAYNE: What other one was there?
JOHN: Did you prefer Lord of the Flies or Apocalypse Now?
WAYNE: Which one had the deadly disease?
JOHN: Wasn't that Outbreak?
WAYNE: Am I supposed to know?
JOHN: You asked...
STEPHEN: What was the worst thing on the island for you?
WAYNE: Were you the naked guy?
STEPHEN: Do you want to see me naked again?
WAYNE: Does anyone?
STEPHEN: How's this? (undresses)
WAYNE: ... whoah.
GREG: Can you put your clothes back on?
STEPHEN: Do you want me too?
GREG: Did you enjoy the mud volcano?
STEPHEN: Didn't I?!
GREG: What was it like?
STEPHEN: Need you ask?
GREG: Don't you know how sexy you looked in that mud?
STEPHEN: Would you like me to pour some on you?
GREG: Can you do it now?
TONY: Did you have sex with the fish?
BRAD: Did you?
TONY: Where do you think I went all that time?
BRAD: Weren't you getting the water?
TONY: Was there water on the island?
BRAD: How should I know?
TONY: Did you get kicked off?
BRAD: Was I in the alliance?
TONY: Don't you know?
RYAN: Is that yours?
TONY: Do you like it?
RYAN: Are YOU the naked guy?
TONY: Don't you wish I was?
RYAN: Can I hang my towel there?
TONY: Did you get towels?
RYAN: Weren't they in the challenge prizes?
TONY: Did you win the challenge?
RYAN: Didn't you see?
TONY: Was I meant to be watching?
RYAN: Should I be the... damn.
DENNY: Who are you?
TONY: Don't you remember me?
DENNY: Are you Sean?
TONY: Did you really have something going on with Greg?
DENNY: Why should I tell you?
TONY: Don't you like me?
DENNY: Didn't you vote me off alphabetically?
TONY: Was that a problem?
DENNY: How could I win the million that way?
TONY: I don't know...
JEFF: Congratulations Denny. Carey takes out this immunity challenge. Clive, see you guys this evening.
JIM: I hate these jungle walks...
STEVE: At least it's dark... we can't see what lurks in the forest.
JIM: Thanks, that makes me feel REALLY confident...
(they pass the gong, and each bang it in the style of a famous percussionist)
JEFF: Welcome, Clive. Your tribe is not looking too good getting towards the merger - only 5 of you compared to Carey's 7.
STEPHEN: We're gonna have to win some challenges...
JOHN: Hey, some of us haven't played in 10 years...
JEFF: Nonetheless... time to vote off another member. I call upon the mystic powers of the Whoser Council. Fire. Water. Wind. Earth. And Heart.
TONY: Whoever got that one must have felt ripped off. What a loser!
JEFF: Anyway... let their powers combine. Whoser Council, who is the fourth person to leave the island? Josie Lawrence, Tony Slattery, John Sessions, Jim Sweeney, Steve Steen, or Stephen Frost?