JEFF: Okay, I'll just count up the votes.
(he moves across the bridge. Sounds of an abacus clacking are heard. He returns)
JEFF: Remember, whoever receives the most votes will be asked to
leave the island immediately. One vote for John.
JOHN: (resigned look)
JEFF: Another for John.
JOHN: (depressed look)
JEFF: A third for John.
JOHN: (panicky look)
JEFF: One for Mike. And one for Paul.
MIKE & PAUL: (bemused looks)
JEFF: Another for Paul. One vote for Steve.
PAUL: (concerned look)
JEFF: A second for Mike. That makes three for John, two for Paul & Mike, and one for Steve. And here's another for Steve.
STEVE: (wacky look)
JIM: You'll be ok buddy...
JEFF: Another vote for Paul. That makes Paul and John tied on three. And here's a vote for... JEFF! Hey! Cheeky monkey! That's not allowed!... Two more votes in the box. And the second last vote goes to... Mike.
MIKE: (worried look)
JEFF: That makes three each for John, Mike and Paul. And the final vote goes to.... Paul.
JOSIE: It was the hoedown, honey...
PAUL: Oh, I know it was the hoedown. Can't sing a hoedown, well obviously he's no good living on an island! No, fine, I'll go...
JEFF: This flaming twiglet represents your life on the island. (extinguishes it)
TONY: Look, it's been on fire but it's no blacker than before!
JEFF: Paul, thanks for playing.
JOSIE: Bye, Paul.
MIKE: See ya, Paul.
JEFF: The rest of you, I'll see you in a couple of days for the next challenge.
BRAD: Well, I mean, we're pretty happy to have won. We didn't have
to kick anyone off, you know.
WAYNE: And he's been having fun with the monkeys in the forest at night.
BRAD: And that too...
JIM: Well, you dopped a douple of votes there, dompadre!
STEVE: Yeah, I bib. I'b better be careful, or I coulb be off the islanb before I get to bo everything I want to bo.
JIM: Better think of something to dapitalise on to ensure your dontinued stay.
STEVE: I think I might bo something to make people bislike the others...
WAYNE: You've Got Mail!
GREG: What's coming through on the World Crisis Monitor today?
KAREN: I'll read it.
"We have another challenge for you to do, you see,
We're cutting your stay shorter, so it's for immunity.
If you want to stay on this island until the very end,
You're gonna have to do much more than just stand sit and bend!"
COLIN: Oh boy...
MIKE: Well, great. I can hardly bend... :)
JOHN: Seems like that is the name of the game for today.
JOSIE: I've cooked some rice in the style of Elvis Costello and Buddy Holly!
GREG: (shout from across the island) Duh... I heard that!
JEFF: Welcome, tribes. We have decided to shorten your stay on the
island, as we need it soon to tape some episodes of "Who Wants To Live
On A Desert Island" - apparently it's expected to rate
better than us. Anyway, your challenge today is simple. Play a
game of Stand, Sit, Bend, Lie Down, Squat, Kneel, Jump. Carey, you can
pick one team member to sit out.
KAREN: I'll take this one off.
JEFF: Okay, and your scene is ... on a desert island!
CHIP: (walks in) Well, this is lovely.
RYAN: (bending) Lovely? I'm about to throw up!
COLIN: (lies) Yeah, I'm half dead here... who caught that fish?
BRAD: (squats) I dunno, but I sure shouldn't have eaten it... now can I have some privacy?
DENNY: (jumping) Hey, I'm feeling fine! Wow, what a wonderful island!
GREG: (kneels) Welcome. I am one of the island dwarves.
WAYNE: (sits) Excuse me, can you move, you are spoiling my view.
BRAD: (stands) I'm done. Who's next?
COLIN: (squats) That would be me.
DENNY: (lies) I'm going for a swim.
GREG: (jumps) Look! I've found my legs! I've found my legs!
WAYNE: (kneels) You stole mine, you bastard!
RYAN: (stands) Stop fighting, you two!
DENNY: (bends) Where's that pot gone? I need some rice.
COLIN: (stands) Rice? All you ever cook is rice! (hits her)
DENNY: (falls over)
CHIP: (stands) Oh great, you've killed her.
COLIN: (bends) Who wants the right leg?
JEFF: (BUZZ) Okay, not bad... kept it going most of the way. And now, Clive, your scene is... in a laundromat.
TONY: (bends) Where's that sock gone?
JOSIE: (falls down) Oh my God, you've lost your sock?
MIKE: (enters, standing) I am the King of Arabia, and I demand to have my clothes washed.
JOHN: (bends) I bow to you, o King.
TONY: (squats) Still can't see the darn thing.
JIM: (kneels) Maybe if I squeeze in there? I have no legs to get in the way.
STEVE: (sits) Would you mind? I'm trying to read my magazine!
STEPHEN: (jumping) I can't reach my washing! I can't reach my washing!
JOHN: (stands) Here, let me get that!
MIKE: (bends) I return your bow. You are truly a wonderful servant.
JIM: (shuffles forward on knees) Your sock has mysteriously disappeared.
TONY: (bends) It is the will of the Gods.
STEPHEN: (stands) The gods up there you mean?
TONY: (jumps) Yeah, up here!
JIM: (squats) No it isn't, it's just stuck in the lint filter.
STEVE: (bends) In the lint filter of the Gods!
MIKE: (bends) Even I, the King, bow my head in prayer. Join me!
(everyone rushes to get into a similar position, while trying to maintain the required positions).
JEFF: (BUZZ) Okay, now comes the time to make a decision. A wonderful ending for the game by the Clive team. However, you did use some of the same jokes as Carey did, and so I am awarding them the game. Carey, go back to camp and take this tinned food with you. Clive, I will see you again tonight.
(the contestants each ring the doorbell as they enter)
STEPHEN: Bloody rain. My eyebrows are getting too heavy.
JEFF: Welcome back, Clive. A bit of bad luck in the challenges so far, we can only hope that will improve. But there will be only six of you remaining to try that after tonight. Now, if I can ask you first, straight out, is there an alliance?
JIM: An alliance against what? We don't even get to make the votes!
STEVE: Ask me again after episode eight.
JEFF: Is anyone feeling particularly vulnerable tonight?
JOHN: (meekly) me...
MIKE: I think that today's challenge showed some promising teamwork. Nobody was really at fault, hopefully those of us who remain will be more successful in coming weeks.
JEFF: Sucking anything won't help you out here. But once again, your fates are in the hands of the Whoser council. This will leave you somewhat short of manpower, but given our originality or lack thereof in coming up with these challenges, that won't be a problem. Oh, and if I win, I'm still staying around on the island, okay? Now, who leaves this week? Is it Josie Lawrence, Tony Slattery, Mike McShane, John Sessions, Steve Steen, Jim Sweeney, or Stephen Frost?