Back to the main page
... News
... Episode Guide
... Lyrics & Games
... Cast
... Games Guide
... Tickets
... Trivia

Sign Guestbook
View Guestbook
Old Guestbooks
Personal Site

In association with

Mark's Guide to Whose Line is it Anyway?


Irish Drinking Song

(The) beach
Drew Carey
Food Poisoning
Met my lover at a job interview
Slept with an ugly woman
Voted for Ross Perot
Went on a date and had no money

The Affair Irish Drinking Song

Episode 21.14 - Wayne Brady, Gary Anthony Williams, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

Aisha: I need a suggestion for a reason that you would get a divorce.... an actual reason to divorce someone.
Audience: (shouts suggestions)
Aisha: Ah yeah, OK. Alright, so... this is gonna... the we... the suggestion I got was adultery. So cheating. Alright, so a reason to get, to get a divorce, adultery, cheating.
Wayne: So it's a real reason.
Aisha: That is a real and actual reason, yes! Is it feel a little close to the bone tho is it? Is that what you were...
Wayne: Huh? (offended look)
Ryan: You're gonna be close to the bone in a minute I think...
Gary: Oh. Oh! Oh? Oooh! Oohhh. Oh. Oh!
Aisha: Hah! I'm gonna... for simplicity, I'm going to say affair. So let's hear the affair drinking song.

All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne I met a lass in Kilkenny,
Gary: I loved her with my heart.
Ryan: But now she's done something bad,
Colin: When we made love she'd fart.
Wayne: She met someone else,
Gary: She left me clear and dry,
Ryan: I think I might divorce her,
Colin: And then I'll get real high.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Gary: I said "Whaddya doin'?",
Ryan: "You're breaking us up here!"
Colin: "You're screwing all over town!"
Wayne: "Givin' away your rear!"
Gary: She said "I ain't gonn' love ya",
Ryan: "I hate the sight o' your face!"
Colin: "Go and put out a fire!"
Wayne: Aaaaaah.... bitch.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Ryan: Did I mention she's a bitch?
Colin: She's very small and tall...
Wayne: Ahh hahaha... (cracking up),
Gary: Ah, done it all.
Ryan: I'll never forget that woman,
Colin: She ran off with my doctor,
Wayne: And now I realise,
Gary: I never should've sucked her.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Colin: We might get back together,
Wayne: Who knows, life is funny,
Gary: Life can be so strange my friend,
Ryan: I think I'll buy a bunny.
Colin: I don't know really what that means,
Wayne: She didn't ain't my thing,
Gary: It's just not who I am,
Ryan: Just hold my ding-a-ling.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!

The Bar Irish Drinking Song

Episode 27.09 - Wayne Brady, Jeff Davis, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

Aisha: What I need from the audience is a suggestion of somewhere you might go on a date, where's some place you might go on a date?
Audience: (shouts suggestions)
Aisha: Alright, yeah, that's good. Okay. Ah... well, apropos of everything, we're going to send your date to a bar.
Wayne: So, the Irish drinking song set in a bar? Whaaaaa?! This shit be crazy!
Aisha: So gentlemen, we're going to hear the bar Irish drinking song.

All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne I picked a fur-fee-fak faadafee... (gives up)
Ryan: (carrying on) Ah durdee hurna mairee duree...
Colin: That was so committed!
Wayne: I smell toast! I smell toast!

All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne I picked a place for our date,
Colin: It's called the Fox And Rose,
Jeff: It's my favorite bar in town,
Ryan: I drink out of a hose.
Wayne: Because I'm somewhat classless,
Colin: And always have some fun,
Jeff: And the girls are there so easy,
Ryan: Very few of them run.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Jeff: We both got into my car,
Ryan: She sat in the back.
Wayne: I sat with her,
Colin: I just stared at her rack.
Jeff: I leaned in for a little kiss,
Ryan: She gave me one on the cheek,
Wayne: And now we're married today,
Colin: I still haven't had a peek.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Ryan: Girls don't like drinkin',
Wayne: Girls want hugs,
Colin: They want to feel important,
Jeff: And really expensive drugs.
Ryan: They want a ring on their finger,
Wayne: Put a ring on it,
Colin: Because that's what we all want,
Jeff: I will write you a sonnet!
Ryan: (cracks up)
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee- (Jeff & Colin -di-dee-di-dee...) (Wayne: diiii-deeeee....)
Ryan: (doing impression) I will write... I will write you a sonnet!
Colin & Wayne: Diiiii-deeeee-diiiii-deeeee-diiiiiii!

Ryan: I will write you a sonnet! I will write you a sonnet!
Jeff: I will write you a sonnet!
Wayne: (impression) Di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di...
Jeff: (impression) Twins!
Aisha: Ah... everyone gets points!
Wayne: Oh!
Aisha: Yeah. Everyone.
Jeff: Even Ryan?!
Aisha: Especially Ryan... just because he made it all the way through that game and I don't even think he knew where he was.

The Beach Irish Drinking Song

Episode 21.22 - Wayne Brady, Keegan-Michael Key, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhh, aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye!
Wayne So I took my metal detector,
Keegan: And I went down to the sand,
Ryan: I took my wife with me,
Colin: She's the best in all the land.
Wayne: There was a beep-a-beepin,
Keegan: And we started to dig right through,
Ryan: What do you think I found there,
Colin: We started then to screw.
All: Oh, aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye!
Keegan: Well the sun glared damnly hard,
Ryan: I think I might have burnt,
Colin: I got her to rub on some oil,
Wayne: A lesson soon learnt.
Keegan: I put some oil upon my skin,
Ryan: And ran naked through the s-grass,
Colin: Oh I felt so lovely,
Wayne: And said kiss my black ass.
All: Oh, aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye!
Ryan: The cops ran up to us,
Colin: They arrested us on the spot,
Wayne: For public nudity,
Keegan: It wasn't us, oh not!
Ryan: We spent two days in jail,
Colin: With sunburns on our bum,
Wayne: Locked in the hoosegow,
Keegan: At least they could give us some rum!
All: Oh, aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye!
Colin: So we left the jail,
Wayne: We got bailed out,
Keegan: We took our towel and pail,
Ryan: My wife started to pout.
Colin: She started screaming at me,
Wayne: I said girl stop cryin',
Keegan: And then I told her to tack me,
Ryan: I've got a big dick no denyin'!
All: Oh, aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye!
Oh, aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-ayeee-deeee-ayeee-deeee-aiiiiiii!

The Drew Carey Irish Drinking Song

Episode 13.01 - Wayne Brady, Drew Carey, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne I've seen him on network TV,
Drew: He's seen him on the streets.
Colin: He's always got a great big smile,
Ryan: He's looking kinda neat,
Wayne: He has short hair and glasses,
Drew: And other things that aren't so short,
Colin: He is very kind,
Ryan: And this I will retort.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Drew: I hear he is a nice guy,
Colin: He dresses really well,
Ryan: The tall guy on his show is funny,
Wayne: And the black guy's really swell,
Drew: But let's not forget his bald friend,
Colin: Because he's really good,
Ryan: Sure he's got lots of money,
Wayne: You'll never catch him in the hood,
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Colin: He's generous to all his friends,
Ryan: He's got lots of cash,
Wayne: And if you go over to his place,
Drew: He'll kick you in the ash,
Colin: He's got a great big TV,
Ryan: He lets you watch it there,
Wayne: And then you can watch the big screen,
Drew: At the Lilith Fair!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Ryan: His glasses are kind of funny,
Wayne: And people think they're fake.
Drew: Especially these glasses,
Colin: He is quite a rake.
Ryan: Oh but he's a very good guy now,
Wayne: And he has telepathic powers,
Drew: And he can fly through the airplane (oh shoot...)
Colin: He's worn a thong for hours!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!

The Food Poisoning Irish Drinking Song

Episode 24.13 - Wayne Brady, Jeff Davis, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne: So she ordered the shrimp,
Colin: It was a bad idea,
Ryan: I started to get a little cramped up,
Jeff: A touch of diarrhea.
Wayne: I excused myself from the table,
Colin: And ran to the back room,
Ryan: Then I just let loose,
Jeff: And my bowels they went kaboom!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Colin: I tried to act classy,
Ryan: I walked back in the room,
Jeff: Like nothing had ever happened,
Wayne: Nope, nothin' doin'.
Colin: But she could tell right away,
Ryan: I had to run again,
Jeff: I ran as fast as I could go,
Wayne: The porcelain was my friend.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Ryan: There was a knock at the door,
Jeff: It was a surgeon friend,
Wayne: "Are you okay in there buddy?"
Colin: "What's coming out your end?"
Ryan: I took an antacid,
Jeff: It did the trick,
Wayne: I was, like, "Yeah!",
Colin: Had swelling in my dick.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Jeff: Well when I came to next morning,
Wayne: Then, I said "What?!"
Colin: My pants were down around my knees,
Ryan: And you know, I found my butt.
Jeff: And then I looked at my date and said,
Wayne: Something was wrong,
Colin: Let what happens happen,
Ryan: Look at the size of my schlong!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!

The Met My Lover At A Job Interview Irish Drinking Song

Episode 27.02 - Wayne Brady, Gary Anthony Williams, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne: I took an ad out in the paper,
Gary: I had to fill out the forms,
Ryan: Who showed up at my door?
Colin: It was against the norm.
Wayne: She was beautiful,
Gary: I couldn't believe my eyes,
Ryan: I said have a seat,
Colin: And have a cheese pie.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Gary: She ate and ate and ate it,
Ryan: Boy she loved her cheese,
Colin: I hired her right on the spot,
Wayne: I married her on my knees.
Gary: And then the very next morning,
Ryan: She was eatin' more cheese!
Colin: Because she had a problem,
Wayne: I was like, "Cheese, please!".
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Ryan: Well she started to put weight on,
Colin: I decided then to go,
Wayne: Even more in love with her,
Gary: I still couldn't take no mo'.
Ryan: And then she ate some more cheese!
Colin: Bigger by the ton,
Wayne: She was more to love,
Gary: And so much more fun!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Colin: Well we broke up,
Wayne: A lass called HR.
Gary: That's the way life goes,
Ryan: I covered myself with tar.
Colin: Then I left the country,
Wayne: Put feathers on me,
Gary: Never again to see her,
Ryan: I'm just gonna say cheese!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!

The Pregnancy Irish Drinking Song

Episode 30.07 - Wayne Brady, Nyima Funk, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

Aisha: We need a suggestion from the audience for a reason to celebrate... what is a reason to celebrate?
Audience: (Shouts) Aisha: Circumcision! I think that's a reason to celebrate.
Wayne: Yes! I was waiting for that...
Aisha: I'm hearing from the voices in my head that... we're on shaky ground with that one.
Ryan: They'd have to cut that out...
Aisha: So let's try again. And what I'd like from the audience of... a reason to celebrate?
Audience: (Shouts) Aisha: Pregnancy! Pregnancy! Pregnancy. (finger in ear) Is that going to be safe enough?
Ryan: That wouldn't happen if... (mimes penis)
Aisha: How do you get pregnant, I don't know...
Wayne: With a circumcised penis.
Aisha: Yes. The stork comes and brings you a basket of circumcised penises...
Ryan: (clapping)
Aisha: And then nine months later a baby comes!
Nyima: That's how it works!
Aisha: It's magic! Alright so the suggestion is pregnancy, is a reason to celebrate, and sing an Irish Drinking Song. Take it away.

All: Ohhhhh....hhhh.... (out of sync) aye....
Wayne: I couldn't hear it!
Nyima: I can't hear it either!
Aisha: The stork's never gonna bring you a basket of circumcised penises like that. Alright. Nyima: Please mister stork!

All: Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne: Today my life just changed,
Nyima: I'm giving birth,
Colin: The doctor called this morning,
Ryan: Even with all this girth.
Wayne: He said "You're gonna shoot it out",
Nyima: He said "Here it comes!"
Colin: The best day of your life,
Ryan: Right out of my bum.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Nyima: I pushed and pushed and pushed,
Colin: The sweat was on my brow.
Ryan: The baby came right out there,
Wayne: He said "How you like me now?"
Nyima: The doctor said "Smack him in the head",
Colin: A beautiful little boy.
Ryan: I think I'll have another,
Wayne: My husband might get annoyed.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Colin: The boy was the apple of my eye,
Ryan: I named him after me.
Wayne: I named him little Giuseppe the Third,
Nyima: And he climbed a tree.
Colin: He likes to climb all day long,
Ryan: I take him everywhere,
Wayne: People comment on his gorgeous looks,
Nyima: And... how he sits in a chair.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Ryan: And now he's become a man,
Wayne: Off into the world.
Nyima: He's going to meet a woman,
Colin: Maybe a lovely girl.
Ryan: And someday he'll get married,
Wayne: And he'll repeat this thing.
Nyima: He's going to get a woman knocked up,
Colin: He circumcised his wing.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!

Colin & Wayne: He circumcised his wing?!
Colin: That makes no sense at all.
Ryan: Circumcised his wing?!
Colin: Yeah circumcised his wing. You heard me.
Aisha: I'm taking away 93 points because I don't think that's a wing down there. And if it is, take your points and spend them at the doctor's office.
Colin: I can achieve a height of three feet.
Wayne: How?!
Aisha: What did you just say?
Colin: (mimes flapping)

The Slept With An Ugly Woman Irish Drinking Song

Episode 13.06 - Wayne Brady, Brad Sherwood, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne: Once when I was celebratin',
Brad: I went to bed,
Colin: I had too much to drink,
Ryan: Woke up to an ugly head.
Wayne: She turned over,
Brad: And I saw her face,
Colin: I screamed in surprise,
Ryan: And I sprayed her with mace.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Brad: I jumped round and ran away,
Colin: I put on all my clothes.
Ryan: And then I ran from the house,
Wayne: I hit her I do suppose.
Brad: But she chased right after me,
Colin: She got into her car.
Ryan: She didn't get there,
Wayne: She looked like Jamie Farr.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Colin: Although she was so ugly,
Ryan: I took her anyway.
Wayne: I used her to scare children away,
Brad: What the hey.
Colin: Boy it really worked good,
Ryan: I remember that day,
Wayne: That I took her to the dog park,
Brad: Then... what the hey!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Ryan: I tried to forget it,
Wayne: I tried to drink a lot.
Brad: Because she was so ugly,
Colin: She needed a name spot.
Ryan: Then that day would come again,
Wayne: That I'd meet her.
Brad: I was so scared,
Colin: It looked like someone had beat her.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!

The Voted For Ross Perot Irish Drinking Song

Episode 13.04 - Wayne Brady, Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne: Who's the little man,
Greg: With the giant ears,
Colin: I voted for him years ago,
Ryan: He bought me lots of beers.
Wayne: He was a millionaire,
Greg: And he had lots of cash,
Colin: And he used to use it all,
Ryan: He never bought me (bleep).
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Greg: He was a tiny billionaire,
Colin: Tiny as can be.
Ryan: He didn't get a lot of votes,
Wayne: He got me!
Greg: He ran on the reform ticket,
Colin: And he had big feet.
Ryan: But he's still my favourite,
Wayne: He cannot be beat.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Colin: His party was a strange one,
Ryan: I voted anyway.
Wayne: I went and I cast my ballot,
Greg: I laughed along the way.
Colin: He lost by a landslide,
Ryan: But I still support him so,
Wayne: I wonder what he's doing now,
Greg: I heard he lives alone!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Ryan: I hope he runs again someday,
Wayne: Maybe in a couple years.
Greg: I hope when he runs this time,
Colin: He gets better ears.
Ryan: Again he'll have my vote there,
Wayne: You will see.
Greg: Because there is no-one else,
Colin: Ha ha ha, he he.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!

The Went On A Date And Had No Money Irish Drinking Song

Episode 26.08 - Wayne Brady, Jonathan Mangum, Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

All: Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Wayne: The night began so wonderfully,
Jonathan: She had a pretty smile,
Ryan: I picked her up at her house,
Colin: We walked for a mile.
Wayne: We entered into the restaurant,
Jonathan: I reached into me billfold,
Ryan: And then to my surprise,
Colin: I... had... nothing.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Jonathan: I was in shock and sweating,
Ryan: I was so embarrassed,
Colin: I had no cash on me,
Wayne: I felt so harrassed.
Jonathan: I snuck into the bathroom,
Ryan: I snuck out the back door,
Colin: I hope she doesn't find me,
Wayne: And beat me any more.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Ryan: She met me outside,
Colin: And said "What's with you?",
Wayne: She assaulted and assailed my manhood,
Jonathan: Yet she wore nice J.Crew.
Ryan: I apologised profusely,
Colin: I said so sorry so,
Wayne: So I'll take you on a second date,
Jonathan: And you will be my ho!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
Colin: It actually turned out nicely,
Wayne: We got married on the Fourth of July,
Jonathan: We had thirteen kids,
Ryan: I found out she was a guy.
Colin: I still have no cash,
Wayne: Nope I'm still broke,
Jonathan: But I make the kids work illegally,
Ryan: But now I'm screwing a bloke.
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
All: Oh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-diiii-deeee-diiii-deeee-diiiiiii!