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Transcripts

Doo-wop

Kelly - India
Veronica - Italian Restaurant


Helga - Dairy

(Episode 22.13) - Gary Anthony Williams, Wayne Brady & Colin Mochrie sing about Helga who died in a dairy food-related accident

Gary: Mmm, da dum, da dum, da dum,
Dum, da dum, da dum, da dum.
Wayne: Oh oh oh, Helga, oh, (Colin: Ba ba ba ba ba bum)
Listen fellas! (Gary & Colin continue)
There was a girl named Helga, prettiest chick I've ever seen,
She called me her king, she was my dairy queen.
I tried to give her some of this chocolate ice cream, but no buts,
Turns out she was allergic to nuts.
Gary: Oh Helga, I never seen you I suppose, (Wayne: No no!)
I never seen that milk squirting out of your nose, (Wayne: No no no no!)
Whenever I held you, my heart went a-flutter,
'Til you was crushed by the cow 'cause you squeezed her udder (Wayne: Oh, oh, oh, oh!)
Colin: Oh Helga... oh shoot, (Gary: Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo do do do do do do...) (Wayne: Sha-dum... sha-dum...)
You love me, I have one foot.
And your life, just came to a close,
I didn't know you were intolerant, to someone who lacked-toes.
Wayne: Oh Helga, did I love you? Very. (Colin: Ba bum... etc)
Oh Helga, she was with Ben & Jerry. (Gary: Helga-ah)
Oh Helga, I miss you my girl,
She died 'cause she was down with the All: swirl!


Kelly - India

(Episode 21.04) - Jeff Davis, Wayne Brady & Colin Mochrie sing about Kelly who died in an India-related accident

All: Whah-ooh, whah-ooh, ooh ohh...
Wayne: Kelly, I've got a picture of you on my cell-y,
Oh Kelly, I loved you you'd show me your belly,
Oh Kelly, where are you now?
I treat you sacredly just like a cow.
It's not offensive, they like 'em!
Jeff: Kelly, why did you have to leave in such a hurry? (Wayne: Ooh)
We were having so much fun just nibbling on that curry. (Wayne: Dayadadai)
Then one day you had to up and die,
I get it's time for me to say Mumbai.
Wayne & Jeff: Oh oh oh...
Colin: Oh I loved you. My lovely Kelly. (Wayne & Jeff: ba da da dum, ba da da dum... etc)
Right there in the field, right in New Delhi.
A sacred cow hit you, I am so blue,
We're about to make love, now I guess you're not in the moo-d.

Wayne & Jeff: Oh Kelly, (Colin: ba ba ba dum... etc)
Jeff: She's from New Wayne & Jeff: Delhi.
Wayne: Whoah-oh-oh, Wayne & Jeff: Kelly,
Why did you go?
All: Why did you go?! (Wayne: On the Ganges!)


Veronica - Italian Restaurant

(Episode 21.22) - Ryan Stiles, Wayne Brady & Colin Mochrie sing about Veronica who died in an Italian restaurant-related accident

Colin: (cheery dancing)
Ryan: Oh doo doo doo.
Wayne: Oh doo doo doo. Oh doo doo doo.
Colin: Da doo da doo doo.
Ryan: Ah hoo. Ah hoo. Ah hoo.
Wayne: Ey.
Colin: Hey!
Ryan: Ah hoo.
Wayne: There was this girl, her name was Veronica,
I used to serenade her, playing my harmonica.
We used to make love, right from here to over there.
In fact she used to say it was primavera.
Ryan: Veronica (Wayne: Veronica!) I can't believe you're dead,
I used to whip you up, and throw you above my head.
I used to love you, I was so full of lust,
I'm gonna miss your cheesy crust. (Wayne: Oh-oh-oh)
Colin: Veronica, I used to rub my face in your breasts
Before you went away in your final rests.
I'm really sad, I really gotta say,
Things are so different since you pasta-way.

Wayne: Oh Veronica, that is how I feel,
I'm just layin' here like a bad piece of squidge eel,
Oh, Veronica, she's gone,
She's pasta-away.
All: Pasta-way!